My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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