But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We left the knife in your bed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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