So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize