By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
