last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
