If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
