Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
