my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
