it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
