If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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