if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
