I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
