honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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