at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
