ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
