It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How external is "for external use only"?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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