I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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