My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
