If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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