so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
