Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
