All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
