I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
