Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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