I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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