My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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