I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
