Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
