Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Randomize
