Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize