Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
