I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
