I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
