What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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