so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
