Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
