is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
