she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize