Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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