This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize