Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
