So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
