I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
