You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
