She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you have feelings for this penis?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
