Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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