I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
