I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
