don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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