I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
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