I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize