As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I could fuck to npr.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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