guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
