Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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