I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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