So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She bit a glass in half.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
