All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
