A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
