I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
