You really coming over, don't trick.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
