glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
