i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
