whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm at about main and main street
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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