I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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