Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
