Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
