some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
