i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
