Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
