i jhust puked up my retainher.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
