You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think i got beer on your cat.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize