Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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