if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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