so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
