i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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