at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
