I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
