all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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