So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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