We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
