i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
