I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
