Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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