so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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