i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
