I should be sponsored by Trojan
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
