I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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