i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
