He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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