you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize