Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
