Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
