Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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