my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
