So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
