I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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