My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize