He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need a beard to bite.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
