there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
