No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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