It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize