I bet he comes in French.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
