Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
