I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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