we have officially mastered the walk of shame
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
