All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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