Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Congratulations! We have a period
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize