I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
