If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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